Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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