totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
