Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
