I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
