Swine flu. Run for my life!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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