She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
did i walk over a car last night?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
