It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
