I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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