Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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