why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
