you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
