I'm sorry my penis didn't work
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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