i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize