Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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