I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
