And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
