I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
