Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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