Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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