do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
