I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
