we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
