i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
