I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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