my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
