Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
