He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
