There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is Oprah even human
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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