I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
