My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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