I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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