im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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