you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
