She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
