I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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