Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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