its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she peed on how many people?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
