Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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