Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
