Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Of course I have a pirate flag
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
