I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
