She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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