Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
