Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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