My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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