Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
