So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
