she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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