two words: eviction party
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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