Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
