it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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