So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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