so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
