shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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