Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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