shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
