dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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