Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
