The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
