the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
