she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.