my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasnâ€™t going home with him.