so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.