yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.