I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.