if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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