Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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