Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
