Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
