dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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