My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize