he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
