gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
