Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
