I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
