I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize