I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
