lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
