Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
