sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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