He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
