wrigley field is MILF paradise
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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