my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize