Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
