I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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