he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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