Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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