I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Randomize
