I got chris browned last night
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
