Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
