I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
